It is argued by some who identify as Christians, that Christians should “apologise” to “LGBT people”, and march with them on their Pride marches, using this as an opportunity to share the gospel of Christ with them.
There appears to some biblical support for this new doctrine in the following passage from the recently-discovered Gospel according to St Judas.
16 And when he was come to the temple, seeing the long queues at the tables of the money changers and those that sold sacrifices and that they were sore harassed by the impatient multitudes who would do business with them, he spake unto them saying, ‘Hey, can I and my disciples come alongside you guys and help you in what ye are doing, that ye might do whatsoever your hands find to do with all thy might in less time and with less stress?’
17 And they replied unto him saying, ‘Oh cheers, mate. That’d be really great for a change. Provided that thou and thy disciples can count up to a hundred and are not given unto thieving of course. We don’t get many trade enablers round here like thee. For surely thou knowest how many of them that are religious do hate us and condemn us and hitherto have persecuted us, scourging us with whips, besetting our shops and turning upside down our tables, spilling money and merchandise hither and thither. It hath been verily annoying.’
18 And he replied unto them. ‘No worries, brethren, for I preach and we do all practise honesty;’ (for it was so: especially the disciple whom Jesus loved, the one who looked after the money in those days, of whom it was later said falsely that he did embezzle from the kingdom ministry) ‘moreover, I and all of my disciples have been examined in Aramaic and Arithmetic, attaining grade C or above in both.’ (For it was so.)
19 And one of them said unto him, ‘Is it a problem that some of the lambs we sell for the sacrifice are really piglets, with wool glued onto them? For they be trans lambs.’ (For in those days some of the teachers of the law still took literally what Moses had taught, that it is not lawful to admit swine into the house of the L_RD.) And he looked upwards, towards his father that is in heaven, whistling nonchalantly and smiling, as though he heard him not. And he that had enquired thus of him, did then take that for a no. And thus it was said abroad also from that day forth.
20 And so it came to pass that the Lord and the twelve did come alongside and did labour until dusk for the money-changers and them that sold livestock, both clean and (it was written) unclean (technically) for the sacrifices, in the manner of unpaid volunteer retail staff who labour likewise wherever trade those who would raise mammon to give in alms to the poor or pay for cancer research and suchlike.
21 And when they had holpen them thus, they (who just happened to be trade-oriented people and did not choose that way of life) did know that he loved them and they put their faith in him; thus did they also partake that day of the salvation that he would purchase for them, by his sacrifice of the thirty pieces of silver that they chipped into a whip-round for a love offering unto him, because he had holpen them so greatly, encouraging them in all that they were wont to do.
22 And, seeing this, the scribes and the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who had hiterto been sore aggrieved, and sought opportunity to lay hands on him and hand him over to the Romans to be crucified, were amazed and straightway thought he was OK after all and believed on him also, and proclaimed him to be the King of the Jews, and did prevail upon Pilate to bestow that title upon him; which he did.
23 And from that day forth, did they all live happily ever after. Amen.
Pigs, schmigs, what does it matter if everybody is nice and kind and polite and non-judgmental?
5 responses to “Should Christians attend Pride marches?”
Your sarcasm is much appreciated and makes your point quite nicely. I am, however, struggling to erase the accompanying image from my eyes.
Your good archaic grammar is much appreciated too 🙂
Generally when someone attempts to mimic AV English it’s already excruciating long before you arrive at the sense (if any). . .
I confess to being influenced by the humorous effect achieved by the juxtaposition of phrases from old and new dialects of English in a certain Rowan Atkinson monologue, reproduced here without his permission, but not for gain:
The Amazing Jesus and Trixy
written by Rowan Atkinson
Rowan Atkinson: And on the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee. And it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of the bride came to Jesus and said unto the Lord, they have no more wine. And Jesus said unto the servants: “Fill six waterpots with water.” And they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste from the water of the pots, it had become wine. And they knew not whence it had come.
But the servants did know, so they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord: “How the hell did you do that?” And inquired of him: “Do you do children’s parties” And the Lord said: “No.” But the servants did press him, saying; “Go on, give us another one!”
And so he brought forth a carrot, and said: “Behold this, for it is a carrot.” And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange, with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot, and then removed it, and lo, he held in his hand a white rabbit. And all were amazed, and said: “This guy is really good! He should turn professional.”
And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy. And they cried unto him: “Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy.” And the Lord said: “If I had to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I’d be pretty sick of the palsy, too!” And they were filled with joy. And cried out: “Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer.”
And there came unto him a woman called Mary, who had seen the Lord and believed, and Jesus said unto her: “Put on a tutu, and lie down in this box.” And then took he forth a saw, and cleft her in twain. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said: “Oh ye of little faith!” And he threw open the box and lo, Mary was whole. And the crowd went absolutely bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow. And he said unto her: “From now on you shall be known as Trixy, for that is a good name for an assistant.”
And the people said unto him: “We’ve never seen anything like this. You shouldn’t be wasting your time in a one camel town like Cana. You should be playing in the big arenas in Jerusalem!” And Jesus did harken to their words. And he did go on to Jerusalem, and he did his full act before the scribes, the Palestines and the Romans.
But alas it did not please them in their hearts. In fact, they crucified him.
Here endeth the lesson. Amen.
Why should we let the devil have all the best jokes?
Sorry John, good grammar notwithstanding that one goes much too far for me :-s
The world is too intent already on taking away awe and reverence from where it’s due, for us to be helping it along.
Should have said that at first really, but the grammar was nice 🙂
Good wishes, brother
I found the irreverent monologue by Rowan Atkinson shocking too when I first watched it performed on television. But I quickly realised that in the time of the earthly ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ, there would have been plenty whose initial answer to the question echoed in the Lord’s question to Simon Peter, “Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?”, would have been just like the answer arrived at on the part of the servants who applauded loudly in the kitchen.