Category Archives: Songs and poems

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like … “fag”???

(allegedly)

Birmingham City Council v Shakeel Afsar, Rosina Afsar, Amir Ahmed, Persons Unknown & John Allman

This post was set to be ultra-boring, but then something really unexpected happened.

I started writing this post from Court 205 at 33 Bull Street, Birmingham, on Monday.  Beside me to my left sat Shakeel Afsar.  In front of Shakeel was my barrister, Paul Diamond, and in front of me was another barrister from the nearby Halcyon Chambers, Tom Green, lending his services pro bono for the day.  He’ll be back tomorrow and Friday too.  Today, I sat on the end of the front row next to Paul, where Tom had been yesterday, at the right end of the front bench, directly behind the witness box. Directly behind me sat Shakeel Afsar, where I had sat yesterday.  The trial had been going well, in my opinion.

Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Homophobic, Law, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

# Esmerelda had a plan

I’ve written another song.

 

 

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under General chit-chat, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

# Oranges and limes

The bells of York Minster sound out for Easter

“Oranges and limes!”, began one of the chimes,
“Ee, it’s good to be back, though m’ rope’s a bit slack.”

“What I want to know,” said the bell that sounds So,
“We was laid off, but what were t’ reason for that?”

“I don’t rightly know”, said t’ great bell tuned Do.

(False ending – i.e. slight pause, during which people who think the song has already finished may start to applaud, only to be interrupted by the the start of the next verse.)

“I’ve news about that”, piped oop t’bell tuned Bb.
“News?  Pray announce!”, clanged several at once.

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Gospel, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

# There’s a hole in my Brexit

Star post

#Catch50

The UK trying to leaving the EU may turn out to be like Captain Yossarian trying to leave the air force, in Catch-22.  I have written a song about this.

Here are the lyrics.

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under #Brexit, Political, Satire and humour, Songs and poems, Star post

# And then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “God hates you”

Affectionate parody of Westboro Baptist Church’s own witty parodies of popular songs.

1 Comment

Filed under Gospel, Homophobic, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

# What a difference a Gay makes!

James Rhodes’ love song to Stephen Fry

Why did the mass media almost always mention Stephen Fry, in reports of James Rhodes victory in the Supreme Court?  The victory clearing the way for the publication of his book Instrumental, which documents the homosexual abuse of James Rhodes during his childhood? Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under Homophobic, Punning blog post titles, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

Lost Brother (song lyrics)

LostBrother

These are the lyrics of a song I wrote over a year ago.  When I sing it, I set it to a slow country and western tune, similar to the one for the song D-I-V-O-R-C-E that was performed by Tammy Wynette.  (It was partly that song that gave me the idea for this one.)  It’s a song about a particular type of bereavement, and regret. The first chorus has alternative versions, for US and British audiences, respectively.

LOST BROTHER

My baby girl is three years old,
My eyes, her mummy’s hair.
She doesn’t know, must not be told
’bout her brother, who isn’t there.

Her mum and I, we often cry,
’bout the days we met, in school
And we were blessed with a baby boy,
Who’s daddy was a fool.

She’s brought us joy, but I have cried.
My heart has been so torn
Because our son, her brother, died
Before our girl was born.

First Chorus

EITHER                                                        USicon

He didn’t live long.
He’d done no wrong.
We thought he’d have to go.
Oh how I wish I’d never heard
Of folks called Wade and Roe.

OR                                                                     UKicon

He didn’t live long.
He’d done no wrong.
To us he didn’t seem real.
Oh how I wish he’d never been born …
… that MP, David Steel.

She’s brought us joy, but I feel pain,
For the brother she’ll never see.
I weep with shame that our son was slain.
Who killed him?  It was me.

I’d hold my son like I hold his sister
If I had my time again.
I wish we’d stopped that A B O
R T I O N.

foetus

Second chorus

He didn’t live long.
He’d done no wrong.
They tore him limb from limb.
No matter how many more children I have,
They’ll all remind me of him.

(c) copyright John Allman MMXI

Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under Feminism, Pro-life, Songs and poems