Category Archives: Satire and humour

# Oranges and limes

The bells of York Minster sound out for Easter

“Oranges and limes!”, began one of the chimes,
“Ee, it’s good to be back, though m’ rope’s a bit slack.”

“What I want to know,” said the bell that sounds So,
“We was laid off, but what were t’ reason for that?”

“I don’t rightly know”, said the great bell of Do.

(False ending – i.e. slight pause, during which people who think the song has already finished may start to applaud, only to be interrupted by the the start of the next verse.)

“I’ve news about that”, said the bell tuned Bb.
“News?  Pray announce!”, clanged several at once.

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Filed under Gospel, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

There’s a hole in my #Brexit, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean-Claude (or #Catch50)

The UK trying to leaving the EU may turn out to be like Captain Yossarian trying to leave the air force, in Catch-22.  I have written a song about this, entitled, “There’s a hole in my Brexit.”  Here are the lyrics.

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may-feministjean-claude-junker

There’s a hole in my Brexit

The people have voted, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean-Claude.  The people have voted, dear Jean-Claude.  They’ve voted.

For what have they voted, dear Theresa, dear Theresa?  For what have they voted, dear Theresa.  For what?

 

They’ve voted for Brexit, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean-Claude.  For Brexit, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean Claude.  For Brexit.

But what means this “Brexit”, dear Theresa, dear Theresa?  But what means this “Brexit”, dear Theresa?  What’s “Brexit”?

 

Why, Brexit means Brexit, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean-Claude.  Brexit means Brexit, dear Jean-Claude.  Br-exit.

Then do it, dear Theresa, dear Theresa, dear Theresa.  Then do it, dear Theresa, dear Theresa.  Just do it.

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Filed under Political, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

Did painted lady Charlotte Proudman learn the tricks of her trade by watching the Feminist Makeup Tutorial?


Charlotte_Proudman

 

 

 

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Filed under Feminism, Men's Rights, Satire and humour

# And then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “God hates you”

Affectionate parody of Westboro Baptist Church’s own witty parodies of popular songs.

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Filed under Gospel, Homophobic, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

Different sex bigamy now!

Please sign the petition now!

Please sign the petition now!

For them to attain marriage equality with the rest of us, people who identify as bisexual, must immediately be allowed to practise “different sex bigamy”.   The governments of the world (if indeed they still be plural) must all immediately allow each self-identified “bisexual” person to marry two spouses, one a husband, the other a wife.

If the state must allow different sex bigamy for self-identified bisexual people, they may not deny it to anybody.  Nor may they deny others same sex bigamy, if that is what they want.

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Filed under Family Rights, Homophobic, Human Rights, Law, Persecution of Minorities, Satire and humour

U.S. begs God for severe hell

Stephen Fry once observed that the name of the British politician Virginia Bottomley was an anagram of “I’m an evil Tory bigot”. Fry went on to claim (tongue-in-cheek) that this comical coincidence amounted to proof of the existence of God.  I continue this blog’s long and noble tradition of what I like to call “humorphobia”, by reminding readers that the title of the recent case in the Supreme Court of the United States that imposed same sex marriage throughout the entire U.S.A. was Obergefell v. Hodges.

I have noticed that “Obergefell versus Hodges” just happens to be an anagram of the title of this blog post: “U.S. begs God for severe hell“.

Need I say more?

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Filed under Homophobic, Satire and humour

# What a difference a Gay makes!

James Rhodes’ love song to Stephen Fry

Why did the mass  media almost always mention Stephen Fry, in reports of James Rhodes victory in the Supreme Court?  The victory clearing the way for the publication of his book Instrumental, which documents the homosexual abuse of James Rhodes during his childhood?

Was Fry’s intervention really necessary, in order for the public to tolerate Rhodes telling the truth about what happened to him? Will every other survivor of underage homosexual abuse henceforth need the sponsorship of a gay celebrity, to establish his credentials as not-in-the-least homophobic, before he’s allowed to write publicly about his ordeal?  You’d think so, judging by this precedent!

# WHAT A DIFFERENCE A GAY MAKES!

What a difference a gay makes!
Plenty for little cowards
Bought The Sun and the powers
Where I used to be blamed

I guessed a gay would do, dear
A ham.  In part.  On cue.  Queer.
My copyright got through, dear!
“Sins?”, you said.   You were fine.

What a difference a gay makes!
They’re zee Rainbow und zhey’re for me!
Guys whose ” lovin’ ” once tore me –
But that moment in court!  My book’s not a tort!

It’s heavy when you … find homos are agains’ you
What a difference a gay made!
(And how distant from true.)

(c) copyright John Allman MMXV

Lyrics of “What a difference a day makes”

Je suis James

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Filed under Homophobic, Punning blog post titles, Satire and humour, Songs and poems