Category Archives: Satire and humour

The bells of York Minster sound out for Easter

“Oranges and limes!”, began one of the chimes,
“Ee, it’s good to be back, though m’ rope’s a bit slack.”

“What I want to know,” said the bell that sounds So,
“We was laid off, but what was t’ reason for that?”

“I don’t rightly know”, said the great bell of Do.

(False ending – i.e. slight pause, during which people who think the song has already finished may start to applaud, only to be interrupted by the the start of the next verse.)

“I’ve news about that”, said the bell tuned Bb.
“News?  Pray announce!”, clanged several at once.

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Filed under Gospel, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

There’s a hole in my #Brexit, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean-Claude (or #Catch50)

The UK trying to leaving the EU may turn out to be like Captain Yossarian trying to leave the air force, in Catch-22.  I have written a song about this, entitled, “There’s a hole in my Brexit.”  Here are the lyrics.

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There’s a hole in my Brexit

The people have voted, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean-Claude.  The people have voted, dear Jean-Claude.  They’ve voted.

For what have they voted, dear Theresa, dear Theresa?  For what have they voted, dear Theresa.  For what?

 

They’ve voted for Brexit, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean-Claude.  For Brexit, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean Claude.  For Brexit.

But what means this “Brexit”, dear Theresa, dear Theresa?  But what means this “Brexit”, dear Theresa?  What’s “Brexit”?

 

Why, Brexit means Brexit, dear Jean-Claude, dear Jean-Claude.  Brexit means Brexit, dear Jean-Claude.  Br-exit.

Then do it, dear Theresa, dear Theresa, dear Theresa.  Then do it, dear Theresa, dear Theresa.  Just do it.

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Filed under Political, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

Did painted lady Charlotte Proudman learn the tricks of her trade by watching the Feminist Makeup Tutorial?


CharlotteProudmanBarristerCharlotte_Proudman

 

 

 

 

 

Alexander-Carter-SilkI bet Alexander Carter-Silk wishes he had watched the Feminist Makeup Tutorial, before he got caught!

 

 

Q. What do you call it when a woman thanks or lambastes  those who make compliments about her appearance, on the basis of their gender or age?

A. Discrimination.

 

New-Twitter-Bird-LogoPlease follow me on Twitter – and please follow this blog too, to be informed of new posts by email.

 

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Filed under Feminism, Men's Rights, Satire and humour

# And then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “God hates you”

Affectionate parody of Westboro Baptist Church’s own witty parodies of popular songs.

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Filed under Gospel, Homophobic, Satire and humour, Songs and poems

The Bad Chicken -v- 007

I was on my cell phone to a journalist, trying to arrange media coverage of a certain court hearing a few days later, in an organised stalking case in which I had by then been involved for about 18 months, and in which I took the next step in the litigation last week.  A “wrong number” call on my home phone, from an unknown stranger, interrupted me.  I put the journalist on hold to take the land line call.  The stranger asked very deliberately if this was the right number for “Sidney [pause] John A [pause] Gabriel“.

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Filed under Satire and humour, Targeted

U.S. begs God for severe hell

Stephen Fry once observed that the name of the British politician Virginia Bottomley was an anagram of “I’m an evil Tory bigot”. Fry went on to claim (tongue-in-cheek) that this comical coincidence amounted to proof of the existence of God.  I continue this blog’s long and noble tradition of what I like to call “humorphobia”, by reminding readers that the title of the recent case in the Supreme Court of the United States that imposed same sex marriage throughout the entire U.S.A. was Obergefell v. Hodges.

I have noticed that “Obergefell versus Hodges” just happens to be an anagram of the title of this blog post: “U.S. begs God for severe hell“.

Need I say more?

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Filed under Homophobic, Satire and humour

An eye for an eye and a cake for a cake

Why Tesco should resist pressure to discriminate against Asher’s bakery

TescoBelfastTelegraph

The old maxim, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”, was intended to restrain the lust of the outraged for vengeance, in order to prevent an escalation of conflict.

Earlier today, 719 people had signed a petition at Change.org, urging Tesco to punish Asher’s Baking Co Ltd, for having discriminated against a Mr Gareth Lee (whose occupation is said to be being activistly homosexual), in the matter of the decoration of a certain cake.

One cake.

One of a growing number of what the media have taken to calling “gay cakes”, mind you, so many of these “gay cake” staged court cases have there been, the world over.

Not only does the “support gay marriage” political lobby represent a belief that appears to pass the Maistry test nowadays, it also seems to pass the “pastry test”.  It is good for earning a few bob of pocket money, provided a gay activist like Mr Lee can still find a baker somewhere in the world who is opposed to same sex marriage and who hasn’t yet wised up to this particular hackneyed method of ambush, so repetitiously deployed in today’s culture warfare.

AshersThe 719 petitioners implored Tesco to retaliate, by doing a bit of discrimination of its own, against Asher’s.  Forever, if they had their way, I dare say.  By not buying from Asher’s any of the thousands of cakes or other products that Tesco might otherwise continue to buy from Asher’s, if it didn’t start a bit of discrimination of its own.  Not “a cake for a cake” proportionate vengeance.  Every single potential future cake order not to be placed with Asher’s, as a punishment for Asher’s not having sold one particularly controversial cake, on one particular occasion!

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Filed under Asher's, General chit-chat, Law, Persecution of Minorities, Punning blog post titles, Righteousness, Satire and humour